Sam's Notebook
by Dark Elf Angel
Summary: A look inside Sam's notebook telling all her thoughts and feelings. Her points of views and what is really going on inside her head about Danny.


**Sam's Notebook**

**Sam's POV**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this show unless Butch decided to like, write a will and give it to me and I wasn't informed…. Oh, the poems are mine!**

Ok, so ya, this is Sam's notebook where she writes all her inner most thoughts and stuff like that. It's from my actual notebook where I write poems and draw pictures and stuff so ya…

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I don't like diaries so, I keep a notebook. It's less cliché. My notebook is a deep purple and contains all my true feelings. My true feelings about Danny, my points of view, and why I am the way I am. I don't capitalize anything. I think it expresses things better lower case.

_a single tear _

_a single tear _

_escapes my eyes_

_the eyes i've kept _

_dry so long_

_a single word_

_escapes my lips_

_the lips i've kept _

_silent for so long_

_a single breath _

_fills my lungs_

_the lungs i've kept_

_empty for so long_

_a single thought _

_crosses my mind_

_the mind i've kept_

_numb so long_

_a single tear_

_escapes my eyes_

_the eyes i've kept _

_dry so long…_

That's the poem I wrote after the Ember incident. I felt so strange after that. I wanted to cry but I never did. Danny chasing after me like that shattered my whole world and made me cry, speak, breath and think after not doing it for so long.

_the silent battle_

_the sun is setting _

_my time is gone_

_yet, forever,_

_the battle rages on_

_the horizon glowing_

_the peace settling_

_yet, forever_

_the silent battle rages on_

I wrote that after I figured out that I was in love with my best friend and had to deny it on a daily basis. It nearly killed me.

_sometimes i wonder_

_sometimes i wonder_

_what if i never saw_

_another sunrise_

_another sunset_

_sometimes i wonder_

_if the world can_

_tell black_

_from white_

_sometimes i wonder _

_if i hadn't cried_

_would you be here_

_of somewhere else_

_sometimes i wonder_

_if the sun never showed_

_would the feeling grow_

_or would it die away_

_sometimes i wonder _

_if the days never passed_

_would time stand still _

_or move on_

_sometimes i wonder_

When I felt that if I had never felt something about Danny, I wrote that.

_tomorrow is wednesday _

_or so i'm told_

_your lies are getting _

_really old_

_i can't wait _

_to slow this down_

_to run the gauntlet_

_right outta town_

_break the sound barrier _

_shatter it all_

_down to the ground_

_ceilings fall_

_the world is gone_

_its story's been told_

_fatality rate_

_increased ten fold_

_runnin' wild_

_runnin' free_

_hey no such thing as jealousy_

_forging money_

_and small white lies_

_on the floor alone_

_i cry_

_the lines been drawn_

_don't you dare cross over_

_seventy men_

_undercover_

_followed by the elements_

_taken over by the government_

_tracing shapes _

_with my fingers_

_falling down_

_in different colors_

_tension so thick_

_you could cut it with a knife_

_stars are falling so save my life_

_the is locked _

_i've thrown away my key_

_mental crisis_

_emotional breakdown_

_turn the camera to the left_

_take a picture so it can last_

That one was supposed to be a song but I never got around to writing the music. I thought it explained the world today perfectly.

_only a single spark_

_only a spark_

_a single spark_

_remains_

_it's all i'm left with_

_the rest are gone_

_gone with my imagination_

_with my life_

_with my tears_

_with my breath_

_gone with them_

_and i'm only left_

_with only a spark_

_a single spark_

_is the hope left _

_inside of me_

That's how I feel about Danny. There's only a little bit of hope left inside of me that makes me believe that he might be able to love me like I love him.

_if only you knew_

_if only you knew_

_how badly you were hurting me_

_i don't cry anymore_

_cause i have no tears left_

_everyday i pray_

_that you'll find this_

_and realize all you've ever done_

_but i'm aware that'll never happen_

_and that i'm going to walk away hurt_

_i'm never gonna get my fairy tale_

_my happy ever after_

_if only you knew_

_how badly you were hurting me_

_yes you_

_you are the one_

_who's hurting me_

_but i don't cry anymore_

_cause i don't care anymore_

I wrote that after I swore that I would never love Danny because I thought he'd never realize that he was hurting me.

_to be truly prepared_

_to be truly prepared_

_means to be able_

_to accept the worst_

_and the best_

_to want someone _

_to be happy_

_even if their happiness_

_does not include you_

_to be able to accept_

_the consequences _

_of your actions_

_to know the answers_

_to the questions_

_that can affect _

_your life_

_for the worse_

_only then can you be truly prepared_

I wrote that after Danny said he needed to tell me something. It went like this…

Flashback:

_**I had been emailing Danny. He would have normally been using IM but, I don't have it. I sent him an email.**_

"_**Sorry I didn't email sooner, I was watching a movie." I had expected him to ask what movie I had been watching.**_

"_**That's ok, I need to ask you something"**_

"_**What?"**_

"_**You know that time Tucker dared you to tell me you loved me?"**_

"_**Uh huh."**_

"_**Well, did you mean it?" **_

_**Just as I was highlighting the message to reply, it scrolled down further than I had expected. At the very bottom of the email it said: "Because I love you too."**_

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Keep in mind that these were based off of real experiences so, don't shot me! I'm going to write a sequel or a new chapter explaining what happened after… Review please!

Dark Elf Angel


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